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<li class="chapter" data-level="1" data-path="index.html"><a href="index.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>1</b> Introduction</a>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="" data-path="index.html"><a href="index.html#about-the-book"><i class="fa fa-check"></i>About the book</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="3.1" data-path="why-is-it-difficult-to-stop.html"><a href="why-is-it-difficult-to-stop.html#the-sinister-trap"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>3.1</b> The Sinister Trap</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="4.1" data-path="nature.html"><a href="nature.html#the-little-monster"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>4.1</b> The Little Monster</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="4.2" data-path="nature.html"><a href="nature.html#the-annoying-alarm"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>4.2</b> The Annoying Alarm</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="4.3" data-path="nature.html"><a href="nature.html#a-pleasure-or-a-crutch"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>4.3</b> A pleasure or a crutch?</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="4.4" data-path="nature.html"><a href="nature.html#crossing-the-red-line"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>4.4</b> Crossing the red line</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="4.5" data-path="nature.html"><a href="nature.html#the-high-from-the-dance-around-the-red-line"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>4.5</b> The High From the Dance Around The Red Line</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="4.6" data-path="nature.html"><a href="nature.html#the-smokers-analogy"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>4.6</b> The Smokers Analogy</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="5" data-path="brainwashing.html"><a href="brainwashing.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>5</b> Brainwashing</a>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="5.1" data-path="brainwashing.html"><a href="brainwashing.html#scientific-reasoning"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>5.1</b> Scientific reasoning</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="5.2" data-path="brainwashing.html"><a href="brainwashing.html#problems-using-willpower"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>5.2</b> Problems using willpower</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="5.3" data-path="brainwashing.html"><a href="brainwashing.html#passivity"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>5.3</b> Passivity</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="5.4" data-path="brainwashing.html"><a href="brainwashing.html#withdrawal-pangs"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>5.4</b> Withdrawal Pangs</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="6" data-path="brainwashing-aspects.html"><a href="brainwashing-aspects.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>6</b> Brainwashing Aspects</a>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="6.1" data-path="brainwashing-aspects.html"><a href="brainwashing-aspects.html#stress"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>6.1</b> Stress</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="6.6" data-path="brainwashing-aspects.html"><a href="brainwashing-aspects.html#social-night-sessions"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>6.6</b> Social Night Sessions</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="7.1" data-path="what-am-i-giving-up.html"><a href="what-am-i-giving-up.html#theres-nothing-to-give-up"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>7.1</b> Theres nothing to give up</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="7.2" data-path="what-am-i-giving-up.html"><a href="what-am-i-giving-up.html#void-the-void-the-beautiful-void"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>7.2</b> Void, the void, the beautiful void!</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="8" data-path="saving-time.html"><a href="saving-time.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>8</b> Saving Time</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="9" data-path="health.html"><a href="health.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>9</b> Health</a>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="9.1" data-path="health.html"><a href="health.html#sinister-black-shadows"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>9.1</b> Sinister Black Shadows</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="10" data-path="advantages-of-being-a-porn-user.html"><a href="advantages-of-being-a-porn-user.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>10</b> Advantages of Being a Porn User</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="11" data-path="the-willpower-method.html"><a href="the-willpower-method.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>11</b> The Willpower Method</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="12" data-path="beware-of-cutting-down.html"><a href="beware-of-cutting-down.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>12</b> Beware of Cutting Down</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="13" data-path="just-one-peek.html"><a href="just-one-peek.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>13</b> Just One Peek</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="15" data-path="the-youtube-twitch-instagram-user.html"><a href="the-youtube-twitch-instagram-user.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>15</b> The YouTube / Twitch / Instagram User</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="16" data-path="a-social-habit.html"><a href="a-social-habit.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>16</b> A social habit?</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="18" data-path="will-i-miss-the-fun.html"><a href="will-i-miss-the-fun.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>18</b> Will I miss the fun?</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="19" data-path="can-i-compartmentalise.html"><a href="can-i-compartmentalise.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>19</b> Can I Compartmentalise?</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="20" data-path="avoid-false-incentives.html"><a href="avoid-false-incentives.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>20</b> Avoid False Incentives</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="21" data-path="the-easy-way-to-stop.html"><a href="the-easy-way-to-stop.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>21</b> The Easy Way To Stop</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="22" data-path="the-withdrawal-period.html"><a href="the-withdrawal-period.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>22</b> The Withdrawal Period</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="23" data-path="just-one-little-peek.html"><a href="just-one-little-peek.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>23</b> Just One Little Peek</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="24" data-path="will-it-be-harder-for-me.html"><a href="will-it-be-harder-for-me.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>24</b> Will it be harder for me?</a>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="24.1" data-path="will-it-be-harder-for-me.html"><a href="will-it-be-harder-for-me.html#primary-reasons-for-failure"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>24.1</b> Primary Reasons for Failure</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="25" data-path="substitutes.html"><a href="substitutes.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>25</b> Substitutes</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="26" data-path="should-i-avoid-temptation-situations.html"><a href="should-i-avoid-temptation-situations.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>26</b> Should I Avoid Temptation Situations</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="27" data-path="the-moment-of-revelation.html"><a href="the-moment-of-revelation.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>27</b> The Moment of Revelation</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="28" data-path="the-final-visit.html"><a href="the-final-visit.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>28</b> The Final Visit</a>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="28.1" data-path="the-final-visit.html"><a href="the-final-visit.html#a-final-warning"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>28.1</b> A Final Warning</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="30" data-path="help-those-on-the-sinking-ship.html"><a href="help-those-on-the-sinking-ship.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>30</b> Help Those on the Sinking Ship</a></li>
<li class="chapter" data-level="31" data-path="advice-to-non-users.html"><a href="advice-to-non-users.html"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>31</b> Advice to Non-users</a>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="31.1" data-path="advice-to-non-users.html"><a href="advice-to-non-users.html#help-get-your-porn-using-friends-to-read-this-book"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>31.1</b> Help get your porn using friends to read this book</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="31.4" data-path="advice-to-non-users.html"><a href="advice-to-non-users.html#slipping-relapse"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>31.4</b> Slipping (relapse)</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="31.6" data-path="advice-to-non-users.html"><a href="advice-to-non-users.html#deviations-from-standard-advice"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>31.6</b> Deviations from standard advice</a></li>
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<li class="chapter" data-level="32.1" data-path="the-instructions.html"><a href="the-instructions.html#affirmations"><i class="fa fa-check"></i><b>32.1</b> Affirmations</a></li>
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<div id="the-willpower-method" class="section level1 hasAnchor" number="11">
<h1><span class="header-section-number">Chapter 11</span> The Willpower Method<a href="the-willpower-method.html#the-willpower-method" class="anchor-section" aria-label="Anchor link to header"></a></h1>
<p>Its an accepted fact in society that its very difficult to stop porn. Books and forums advising you on how to stop usually start off by telling you how difficult it is. The truth is that its ridiculously easy. Its understandable to question that statement, but first just consider it. If your aim is running a mile in four minutes, <em>thats</em> difficult and youll have to undergo years of hard training, and even then possibly being physically incapable.</p>
<p>However, all you have to do to stop porn is to not watch it and/or masturbate anymore. Nobody forces you to masturbate (apart from yourself) and unlike food or water, it isnt needed for survival. So if you want to stop doing it, why should it be difficult? In fact, it isnt. Its users who make it difficult for themselves through use of willpower or any method that forces the user to feel like theyre making some sort of sacrifice. Lets consider these methods.</p>
<p>We dont decide to become users, we merely experiment with porn magazines or websites and because theyre awful (thats right, awful), apart from our desired clip, were convinced that we can stop whenever we want to. At first, we watch those first few clips when we want to and on special occasions. Before we realise it, were not only visiting those sites regularly and masturbating when we want to — were masturbating to them daily. Porn has become a part of our lives, ensuring we require an internet connection wherever we go. We then believe were entitled to love, sex, orgasm and the stress-relieving properties of porn. It doesnt seem to occur to us that the same clip and actors dont provide us with the same degree of arousal and we begin fighting against the red line to avoid bad porn. In fact, masturbation and internet porn neither improves our sex lives nor reduces stress, its merely that users believe they cant enjoy life or handle stress without it.</p>
<p>It usually takes a long time to realise that were hooked because we suffer from the illusion that users watch porn because they enjoy it — and not because they <strong><em>need</em></strong> to. When were not enjoying porn, which we can never do unless novelty, shock or escalation is added, were under the illusion we can stop whenever. This is a confidence trap. “<em>I dont enjoy porn, so I can stop when I want to</em>”. Only you never seem to want to stop.</p>
<p>Its usually not until we actually try to stop that we realise a problem exists. The first attempts are generally early — triggered by meeting a partner and noticing they arent quite enough after the initial dates. Another common reason is noticing health effects present in daily life.</p>
<p>Regardless of reason, the user always waits for a stressful situation, whether health or sex. As soon as they stop, the little monster begins to get hungry. The user then wants something to pump their dopamine, such as cigarettes, alcohol, or their favourite — internet porn — with their harem only a click away. The porn cache is no longer in the basement, its virtual and accessible from anywhere. If their partner is around or theyre with friends, they no longer have access to their virtual harem, making them even more distressed.</p>
<p>If the user has come across scientific material or online communities, theyll be having a tug-of-war in their mind, resisting temptations and feeling deprived. Their way to usually relieve stress is now unavailable, suffering a triple blow. The probable result after this period of torture is compromise <em>Ill cut down</em>” or “<em>Ive picked the wrong time</em>” or perhaps, “<em>Ill wait until the stress has gone from my life.</em>” However, once the stress has gone theres no reason to stop and the user doesnt decide to quit again until the next stressful time.</p>
<p>Of course, theres never a right time because life for most people becomes more stressful. We leave the protection of our parents, entering the world of setting up home, taking on mortgages, having children and having more responsible jobs. Regardless — the users life cannot become less stressful because porn actually causes stress. The quicker the user passes on to the escalation stage, the more distressed they become and the greater the illusion of dependency grows.</p>
<p>In fact, its an illusion that life becomes more stressful and porn — or a similar crutch — creates that illusion. This will be discussed in greater detail later, but after these initial failures the user usually relies on the possibility that one day theyll wake up and just not want to masturbate or use porn. This hope is usually kindled by stories heard from other ex-users, “<em>I wasnt serious until I had a fading penetration, then I didnt want to use porn anymore and stopped masturbating.</em></p>
<p>Dont kid yourself, probe these rumours and youll discover theyre never quite as simple as they appear. Usually the user has already been preparing to stop and merely used the incident as a springboard. More often in the case of people who stop “just like that,” theyve suffered a shock: perhaps a discovery by their partner, a self-spotting incident of accessing porn not of their normal sexual orientation or theyve had a sexual dysfunction scare themselves. “<em>Thats just the sort of person I am.</em>” Stop kidding yourself. It wont happen unless you make it happen.</p>
<p>Lets consider in greater detail why the willpower method is so difficult. For most of our lives we adopt the head-in-the-sand, “<em>Ill stop tomorrow</em>” approach. At odd times, something will trigger off an attempt to stop. It may be concerns about health, virility or a bout of self-analysis and realising we dont actually enjoy it. Whatever the reason, we start to weigh up the pros and cons of porn. Sex is split into tantric (touch, smell, voice) and propagative (orgasm); this is one of the major keys in opening our mind, and without this important distinction, therell be confusion, which leads to failure. On rational assessment we find out what weve known our entire lives, the conclusion is a thousand times over “<strong><em>STOP WATCHING IT!</em></strong></p>
<p>If you were to sit down and give points to the advantages of stopping and compare them to the advantages of porn, the total point count for stopping would far outweigh any disadvantages. If you employ Pascals Wager, by quitting youre losing almost nothing, with high chances of gains and higher chances of <em>not</em> losing. Although the user knows that theyll be better off as a non-user, the belief theyre making a sacrifice trips them up. Although an illusion, its powerful. They dont know why, but the user has the belief that during the good and bad times of life, the sessions appear to help. Even before starting their attempt, societal brainwashing further reinforced by the brainwashing from their own addiction is then combined with the even more powerful brainwashing of how difficult it is to give up.</p>
<p>Users hear stories of those whove stopped for many months and still desperately crave it, or of disgruntled quitters, who, having stopped, spend the rest of their lives bemoaning the fact that theyd love to have a session. There are tales of users stopping for many months or years, living happy lives, only to have one peek at porn and are suddenly hooked again. Users probably know several in the advanced stages of the disease, visibly destroying themselves and clearly not enjoying life — yet continuing to use. Additionally, theyve probably suffered one or more of those experiences themselves.</p>
<p>So instead of starting with the feeling, “<em>Great! Have you heard the news? I dont need to watch porn any more!</em>”, they start instead with feelings of doom and gloom — as if trying to climb Everest — and they falsely determine that once the little monster has its hooks into you, youre hooked for life. Many users start the attempt by apologising to their girlfriends or wives, “<em>Look, Im trying to give up porn. Ill probably be irritable for the next couple of weeks, so try to bear with me.</em>” Most attempts are doomed before they begin.</p>
<p>Assume that the user survives a few days without a session. Theyre getting back their arousal and are starting to recover. They havent opened their favourite tube sites and are consequently getting aroused by normal stimuli theyd previously zoned out at. The reasons they decided to stop in the first place are rapidly disappearing from their thoughts, like seeing a bad road accident whilst driving. Itll slow you down for a while, but you stomp your foot on the throttle the next time youre late for an appointment.</p>
<p>On the other side of the war is the little monster who still hasnt had its fix. Theres no physical pain — if you had the same feeling because of a cold, you wouldnt stop working or get depressed, youd laugh it off. All the user knows is they want to visit their harem. The little monster knows this, and starts up the big brainwashing monster, causing the same person who was a few hours or days earlier listing all of the reasons to stop, to now desperately search for any excuse to start again. They begin saying things like:</p>
<ul>
<li><p><em>Life is too short, a bomb could go off, I could step under a bus tomorrow. Ive left it too late. They tell you everything gives you an addiction nowadays.</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>Ive picked the wrong time.</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>I should have waited until after Christmas, after my holidays/tests, after this stressful event in my life.</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>I cant concentrate, Im getting irritable and bad-tempered, I cant even do my job properly.</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>My family and friends wont love me. Lets face it, for everybodys sake I have to start again. Im a confirmed sex addict and theres no way Ill ever be happy again without an orgasm.</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>Nobody can survive without sex.</em>” (Brainwashed by well meaning people who dont consider the distinction between the tantric and propagative parts of sex).</p></li>
<li><p><em>I knew this would happen, my brain is sensitised by DeltaFosB due to changes affected by dopamine surges because of my past excessive porn use. Sensitisation can never be removed from the brain.</em></p></li>
</ul>
<p>At this stage, the user usually gives in. Firing up the browser, the schizophrenia increases. On one hand theres the tremendous relief of ending the craving as the little monster finally gets its fix; on the other hand, the orgasm is awful and the user cannot understand why theyre doing it. This is why the user thinks they lack willpower. Its not in fact lack of willpower, all theyve done is to change their mind and make a perfectly rational decision in light of the latest information.</p>
<p><em>Whats the point of being healthy or rich if youre miserable?</em></p>
<p>Absolutely none! Far better to have a shorter enjoyable life than a lengthy miserable one. Fortunately, this is untrue for the non-user, as life is infinitely more enjoyable. The misery the user is suffering isnt due to withdrawal pangs — though its initially triggered by them — the actual agony is the tug-of-war in the mind caused by doubt and uncertainty. Because the user starts by feeling theyre making a sacrifice, they then begin to feel deprived, which is a form of stress.</p>
<p>One of these stressful times is when the brain tells them to have a peek, wanting to backtrack as soon as they stop. But because theyve stopped, they cant and this makes them even more depressed and sets the trigger off again. Another factor making quitting so difficult is waiting for something to happen. If your objective is passing a driving test, as soon as youve passed the test its certain whether youve achieved your objective. Under the willpower method the internal narrative is <em>If I can go long enough without internet porn, the urge to watch it will eventually go.</em>” You can see this in practice in online forums where addicts talk about their streaks or days of abstinence.</p>
<p>As said above, the agony the user undergoes is mental and caused by uncertainty. Although theres no physical pain, it still has powerful effects. Now miserable and insecure, the user is far from forgetting, now full of doubts and fears.</p>
<ul>
<li><p><em>How long will the craving last?</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>Will I ever be happy again?</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>Will I ever want to get up in the morning?</em></p></li>
<li><p><em>How will I ever cope with stress in future?</em></p></li>
</ul>
<p>The user is waiting for things to improve but while theyre still moping, the harem is becoming ever more precious. In fact, something <em>is</em> happening but unconsciously, if they can survive weeks without opening the browser, the craving for the little monster disappears. However, as stated previously the pangs of withdrawal from dopamine and opioids are so mild that the user isnt even aware of them. At this time, many users sense theyve kicked it and so take a peek to prove it, sending them back down the water slide. Having supplied dopamine to the body, theres now a little voice at the back of their mind saying “<em>You want another one.</em>” In fact, theyd kicked it, but have hooked themselves again.</p>
<p>As a child you watched cartoons and as per neuroscience you formed neural pathways (DeltaFosB) for them. If you wanted to discourage a child from watching, youd study if those pathways still existed and survey adults on why they dont like to watch their favourite childhood cartoons anymore. For one, theres better entertainment available and secondly, the cartoons just dont hold the magic anymore. With the willpower method youre just denying the child the cartoon, but with EasyPeasy youre also making sure they see no value in it. Which is better?</p>
<p>The user wont usually get into another session immediately, thinking “<em>I dont want to get hooked again!</em>” and allows a safe period of hours, days or even weeks to pass. The ex-user can then say, “<em>Well, I didnt get hooked, so I can safely have another session.</em>” Theyve fallen back into the same trap as when they first started and are already on the slippery slope.</p>
<p>Users who succeed using the willpower method tend to find it long and difficult because the primary problem is the brainwashing. Long after the physical addiction has died, the user is still moping around, miserable. Eventually, after surviving this long term torture, it begins to dawn on them that they arent going to give in, stopping the moping and accepting that life goes on and is enjoyable without porn. There are significantly more failures than successes, because some who succeed go through their lives in a vulnerable state, left with a certain amount of brainwashing telling them that porn does in fact give them a boost. This explains why many users whove stopped for long periods end up starting again later on.</p>
<p>Many ex-users will have the occasional session as a special treat or to convince themselves how strong their self-control is. It does exactly that — but as soon as their session ends the dopamine starts to leave and a little voice at the back of their mind begins driving them towards another one. If they decide to partake, it still seems to be under control, no shocks, escalation or novelty-seeking, so they say, “<em>Marvellous! While Im not really enjoying it, I wont get hooked. After Christmas / this holiday / this trauma, Ill stop.</em>” Little do they know that the water slides of their brain have been greased even more.</p>
<p>Too late, theyre already hooked! The trap they managed to claw themselves out of has claimed its victim again.</p>
<p>As said previously, enjoyment doesnt come into it. It never did! If we watched because of enjoyment, nobody would stay on the tube sites for longer than it takes to finish the deed. Regardless, a better way to self-pleasure is from memories. We assume we enjoy internet porn only because we cant believe wed be stupid enough to get addicted if we didnt enjoy it. Most users dont have any idea about supernormal stimulus, novelty or shock-seeking and even after reading about it, they dont believe their use is motivated by evolutionary reward-circuit wiring. Thats why so much of porn is subconscious — if you were aware of the neurological changes and had to justify it costing you money in the future, even the illusion of enjoyment would go.</p>
<p>When we try to block our minds to the bad side, we feel stupid. If we had to face it, that would be intolerable! If you watch a user in action, youll see theyre happy only when unaware theyre using. Once aware, they tend to be uncomfortable and apologetic. Porn feeds the little monster so upon purging it from your body along with the brainwashing (big monster), youll have neither need nor desire to watch!</p>
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